1 week since this accident......lots of anger and sadness and anxiety and tears....almost don't know who to feel bad for, I guess everyone who was involved, yeah, I do feel for everyone who was affected. There are many times during the day where I cry uncontrollably and then I feel some relief. I vent in different ways, I need to talk about things to release them, I need to cry to feel better.
All I know as of right now is that I wish it never happened. I wish I knew ahead of time as to not have become part of it! I hate really bad situations....I know I'm not a perfect person, I know this world is full of crap and everyone has their share, but I don't deserve this. I don't deserve nightmares...nor my daughter or her friend! Of course there is always the why....
I am working through things and so are the girls but it is flippin' me out! One day, one day I will look back at all this and there won't be a tear....I hope and wish anyway. But is that even possible? Any tragedy is etched in your mind for a long time, but is it for ever?
I have had nightmares and woken up crying from all the visuals....ahh! How I wish they would go away!! I miss the nights of waking up to my own snore. I hope one day, things will be normal and I can not cry over this anymore......and truthfully you know what?....It will, because I know who I am, and I know I am strong, and I know I will overcome this tragedy! I know, no matter how hard it seems, that I will be ok! Nothing in this world is stronger that what and who I have in me! I will be ok..and so will my girls!
I have so much to be happy for! My awesome family, my beautiful kids, my gorgeous and supportive husband of almost 23 years! I will be ok....no matter what else comes into my life or steps into my path, I am strong enough and know who to call and depend on!
Words I must live by...because there is nothing else more real to me...these words have seen me through so many other things in life that has just blown me away and I must share them.
"So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while."
This is from 1 Peter 1:6
Why the bible? Because God has never broken a promise to me, ever! So I trust Him. Even when it's something I don't wanna hear, he won't sugarcoat anything! Gotta love that!
So, I'll just trust.....Him!
One day, there will be no more suffering, no more pain, no more tears.....I have to know that there is someplace better!
*Thank you to everyone who has been there, sending me messages, chatting with me, offering their friendship, crying with me! Wow! you guys are truly an amazing group of people! Thanks for letting me know, you love me and care about me!!