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Sunday, April 25, 2010

How is it today?

1 week since this accident......lots of anger and sadness and anxiety and tears....almost don't know who to feel bad for, I guess everyone who was involved, yeah, I do feel for everyone who was affected. There are many times during the day where I cry uncontrollably and then I feel some relief. I vent in different ways, I need to talk about things to release them, I need to cry to feel better.

All I know as of right now is that I wish it never happened. I wish I knew ahead of time as to not have become part of it! I hate really bad situations....I know I'm not a perfect person, I know this world is full of crap and everyone has their share, but I don't deserve this. I don't deserve nightmares...nor my daughter or her friend! Of course there is always the why....

I am working through things and so are the girls but it is flippin' me out! One day, one day I will look back at all this and there won't be a tear....I hope and wish anyway. But is that even possible? Any tragedy is etched in your mind for a long time, but is it for ever? 

I have had nightmares and woken up crying from all the visuals....ahh! How I wish they would go away!! I miss the nights of waking up to my own snore. I hope one day, things will be normal and I can not cry over this anymore......and truthfully you know what?....It will, because I know who I am, and I know I am strong, and I know I will overcome this tragedy! I know, no matter how hard it seems, that I will be ok! Nothing in this world is stronger that what and who I have in me! I will be ok..and so will my girls!

I have so much to be happy for! My awesome family, my beautiful kids, my gorgeous and supportive husband  of almost 23 years! I will be ok....no matter what else comes into my life or steps into my path, I am strong enough and know who to call and depend on! 

Words I must live by...because there is nothing else more real to me...these words have seen me through so many other things in life that has just blown me away and I must share them.

"So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while."

This is from 1 Peter 1:6

Why the bible?  Because God has never broken a promise to me, ever! So I trust Him. Even when it's something I don't wanna hear, he won't sugarcoat anything! Gotta love that!

So, I'll just trust.....Him!

One day, there will be no more suffering, no more pain, no more tears.....I have to know that there is someplace better!

*Thank you to everyone who has been there, sending me messages, chatting with me, offering their friendship, crying with me! Wow! you guys are truly an amazing group of people! Thanks for letting me know, you love me and care about me!!

xoxo Jules:)

7 comments:

  1. you, your daughter, and her friend, and your family are in my thoughts. i'm so sorry you have to go through this. stay strong and know there are a lot of people who care about you. take care. *hugs* steph

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  2. xxoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooxx

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  4. My family hasn't deserved the hell we've endured either, but it seems God gives the hardest challenges to the ones who trust in him. I'm not sure why but I know he loves us and doesn't leave us hanging or to fend for ourselves. It's all a big puzzle and one day you will see where this unwanted piece goes! You are in my thoughts and just know that this WILL pass...ask God to comfort you, bring someone into your life to comfort you...God won't take this away but he will help you through it. It all happens for a reason. Glad to see you are staying strong and not letting this beat you!

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  5. I appreciate you ladies! Even though not everything is layed out there, you still comfort me and are here, allowing me to express myself with limited detail. I will be adding another post today! Thanks again, so much!!!

    Jules

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  6. Jules,

    I'm always here for you and my love is with you. You are a beautiful person inside and out. And I know your strong enough to over come this tragic. I send you lots of love, (----:0)----) Big hug
    Love you my friend
    Maria

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  7. Oh, Jules, I'm so sorry you're going through such pain. And I am so grateful that you and your daughter are safe and unhurt. Unfortunately, as you know, there is no way to get through this other than just to go through, and keep putting one foot in front of the other, taking it a day at a time.
    Take care, and big hugs to you,
    Rozzella

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Thanks for visiting! Jules